Arm the teachers and mine the gym,
Ain’t no bad hombres getting in.
We’ve issued arms to history grads,
The PTA has tooled-up dads.
Soccer moms, grenades aplenty,
You’ve got ten Glocks? We’ve got twenty!!
Principals with Gatling guns,
They’re saving daughters, saving sons.
The science lab has cooked up napalm,
Just so that we all can stay calm.
Our prom queen hunts with an Uzi,
Ask her out though she’s real choosy.
Bazooka Joe’s our janitor,
Though really he’s an amateur
Compared to Superintendent Frank,
Who comes to school in his own tank.
So welcome all but be aware,
We’re teaching lessons, honest and fair.
If you’re lost in the dark, looking to fight,
We’ll show you the way, with our nuclear light.
Stephen Kerr – 2018